Dare to live without limits Week of 8/17/20

Putting guilt for the successful in perspective

There are people who feel guilty if they are successful and happy. They believe it’s not fair that they succeed while others are struggling. Then there are those who are not happy unless they are miserable.
These mindsets cause you to subconsciously sabotage your success, which then produces endless struggling. You cannot, and will not succeed as long as you are averse to success. Your mind does not permit you to accomplish anything you don’t believe in.
Your suffering helps no one. Does your being hungry provide more food to others? If you are struggling financially, will other people be well off? You should strive to be successful in every aspect of your life. There’s no reason to feel guilty for doing well.
You can’t help anyone else when you are struggling. Being successful is a prerequisite for providing assistance to others. Charitable organizations solicit from those who have, in order to give to those who are in need.
Fear of failure inhibits success because it prevents you from pursuing goals. The reasoning is that if you don’t start, you can’t fail. However, if you don’t start you will never succeed. The road to success always begins with the first step.
Guilt about having more than someone else causes suffering. This mindset is another basis for self-sabotage. Guilt may emanate from the erroneous belief that the only way for you to have more is for others to have less.
Another cause for self-sabotage is not believing you are worthy of success, or feeling you don’t deserve it. Growing up, some people have been told they’re not that smart or won’t ever amount to anything. Whether internally or externally imposed, these self-loathing doubts are a roadblock to progress.
Another falsehood is that it’s not fair for you to be better than someone else. Success is an endless well. There is more than enough for everyone. The only way for you to be in a position to help another person is by being successful.
Conversely, if you are struggling, then you may be in a position of having to be dependent on someone else for assistance. So, instead of being able to contribute, you are requiring assistance. Suffering and failure on your part serves no purpose whatsoever.
Your success will never diminish anyone else’s. Your being happy doesn’t make others sad. Your financial achievements do not make anyone poor. Your good health doesn’t create sickness in others.
Procrastination is a common component of self-sabotage. You never openly object to getting started. Instead, you keep putting it off, one day at a time with no intention of ever beginning. Perfectionism contributes to procrastination. You are constantly waiting for the exact right time to get started because there is always something you find lacking.
Self-sabotage can be defeated, if you want to. Start by deciding you are tired of suffering. Develop a belief that you are worthy of success. Make a commitment to take positive action to reach your desired objectives. Purge any guilt you associate with achieving your goals.
Displace self-sabotaging negative thoughts with positive self-talk. Constantly tell yourself that you can and will be successful. Tell yourself you are willing to do whatever is required, for as long as necessary to reach your objectives.
Self-sabotage is vanquished by continuously moving forward one step at a time. No more procrastinating or excuses. Just keep going. As you stop suffering while working toward your objectives, you will experience exhilaration as the great weight you have been carrying around fades away.

NOW AVAILABLE: "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at bryan@columnist.com or write him c/o this paper.  2020 Bryan Golden