The Press Newspaper
Only in America would advertisers be able to get away with animated mucus. And not just one mucus, but a whole family of them that moved into a pair of lungs.
The daddy mucus is even wearing suspenders, a fishing vest and a hat in the house-lung and had a spare tire that would fit a tractor trailer. The mama mucus wears curlers and makeup at the same time. Even in Mucus-World, these are signs of the uncultured.
As crude as these commercials are, there is no denying their impact on the commercial-watching public.
When I woke up this morning, my chest was tight and my throat was sore. I just knew that a family of mucus had moved in… There goes the neighborhood.
As the day progressed, my little mucus family started to build multi-family dwellings. They were building the Mucus Projects right there in my lungs.
Soon every Tom, Dick and Harry Mucus would bring their cargo van full of flea market furniture, set up a mucus household and make my lungs a living hell.
Was I just going to let that happen? No! One mucus family was bad enough, but it was all I could handle.
I didn’t have anything against mucus in general, I simply was aware of the trouble it could cause and I didn’t want it living in my lungs.
So I went to the lung council (which would be my doctor; try to keep up with me) and discussed what could be done.
I was told that I couldn’t cure the problem, but I could ease the symptoms. In animated mucus-talk, that meant, I couldn’t get them evicted, but I could keep them from producing graffiti and peeing in the alleys.
Perhaps, if I addressed the symptoms consistently and persistently, my new neighbors would decide that this pair of lungs was too rigid to support their standard of living and they would vacate the premises without anybody having to take a trip to the hospital.
My doctor said that if I coughed up any of the little rascals, I should spit them out and get them off the streets…um, I mean, out of my lungs. I thought it was a good plan. I went to my local pharmacy and bought anything I thought would help.
I bought cough drops, Robitussin, Mucinex, VapoRub, even a humidifier. The doctor said that a humidifier would help loosen up the mucus. I guess in this case, “divide and conquer” would be the correct euphemism.
Those mucus families like to stick together, though.
Okay, that was gross… but I just couldn’t resist.
This campaign would not be a short one. It was going to take time and effort. However, even a few hours after my first dose of medicine, I can feel the Mucus family getting restless.
It won’t be too long before they realize that they need to move on and take their spare tires with them.
Let this be a lesson to writers everywhere: Never write under the influence of Sudafed and Robitussin.
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