Everyone has an aversion to flaws. No one wants to buy a product with flaws. Who wants to drive a flawed car? Flaws in another person can be annoying. However, flaws are a part of life. Rather than being irritated by flaws, you can use them for personal growth.
Life is not perfect. If it was, the boredom level would be very high. The secret to coping is keeping flaws in perspective. Ironically we tend to do just the opposite. We will overlook much of the good stuff in order to fixate on any flaws.
This process becomes so habituated that many people aren't aware they are doing it. For example, out of 10 issues, one is not ideal. Yet, it's the flawed one that consumes your attention. You thus ignore the 90 percent of the good stuff.
When fixated on flaws, not only do you overlook things you should be appreciating, you also experience more stress and anxiety. This strained emotional state further magnifies flaws out of proportion and inhibits your problem solving abilities.
As you become mired in flaws, you stop noticing most, if not all of the good stuff. You no longer stop to smell the flowers because you don't even see the flowers. Left unchecked, this syndrome dominates your outlook.
When the only things you see in life are flaws, your attitude becomes one of problems and struggle instead of solutions and joy. Not only do you invariably find or create problems, you also attract them.
In addition to external flaws, there are the flaws you see within yourself. Although these flaws may or may not exist, your perception is your reality. It's not uncommon for someone to find an internal flaw where others see strengths.
For example, there have been many stunningly attractive actresses who see physical flaws that no one else can find. Someone who is thin and in great shape will think they are overweight. Someone who has a beautiful face will think their nose is too big.
Being hyper critical of yourself doesn’t help you. You are unique. There's no point to comparing yourself to others. There are aspects you can change and others you can't. Physical attributes are just one area where many find flaws in themselves.
You are born with a certain face, body type, and height. Obsessing over these aspects just causes stress. One critical factor that impacts the way you look is your attitude. Regardless of their physical characteristics, positive, upbeat, and happy people are more attractive than their negative, sour, and unhappy counterparts.
Character flaws can be corrected. It doesn't matter how long they've existed. To fix a character flaw, you have to recognize, acknowledge, take responsibility for it, and then be willing to change it. If you deny it or make excuses, you won't make any changes. This is one type of flaw you don't have to live with.
Invariably, you will notice flaws in others. You can change yourself but you cannot change someone else. Other people are who they are. If any changes are to be made, they have to be willing to make them.
So you have to recognize and accept people for who they are. If you can't overlook their flaws, the only option is to eliminate or minimize your contact with them. Any attempt to force someone else to change, leads to friction.
Concentrate on the many wonderful aspects of life. Don't get hung up on flaws. Seek out solutions rather than searching for problems. Maintain an attitude of gratitude. Even an empty glass is a useful because with it you can get a drink.
NOW AVAILABLE: "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at
or write him c/o this paper. 2013 Bryan Golden