Hurting people you love is one of the worst things you can do. Life can throw circumstances at you that are awful and hard to cope with. But you must always treasure the love in your life and those who love you as the irreplaceable gifts they are. Never allow your frustrations and terrible feelings to overwhelm your cherishing those who are most precious to you. Although we all know that we don’t fully appreciate something good until it’s gone, you can’t see this clearly when you are in the middle of a storm. Once you lose something important, it may be gone forever.
Bad things that don’t make any sense do happen. Death of a loved one, suicide, and sickness are just some situations that are overwhelming and produce extremely intense feelings. These feelings do not resolve themselves and will intensify over time when they are buried rather than being acknowledged and dealt with.
It’s OK to seek help to get through those difficult journeys you face. You don’t need to pretend to be strong enough to go it alone, especially when you are not alone. It’s difficult, if not impossible to work through intense emotions by yourself. You easily lose your perspective and become shrouded in an emotional fog. Reach out before you make mistakes that hurt those loved ones who have stuck beside you. It’s only love that enables you to deal with bad things.
When you make mistakes that hurt the ones you love, there are no excuses. Being sorry is not enough. Although your actions can cause you indescribable heartache, you are the one solely responsible for your situation. As much as you may be hurting, the ones you have affected are doing worse. They are suffering because of you.
Unless and until you take decisive action to correct deficiencies within yourself, you are destined to repeat the same behavior that is the cause of your current circumstances. Problems don’t just go away. You have to acknowledge them, take responsibility, admit your failings, and then take whatever steps are necessary to correct them. Hitting bottom is your wakeup call. It changes your world and your outlook.
Although it’s essential to fix yourself, your real obligation is to those who are in anguish because of you. You must make every effort to ease the pain and suffering you have caused. Your own feelings are secondary to those you have hurt.
Although hitting bottom is an indescribably horrible experience, you can’t wallow in your emotions. To begin the arduous process of climbing out, you must take full responsibility for your actions. Making any excuses or justifications will dig a deeper hole. You must immediately make an irrevocable commitment, set in stone, that you will never, ever repeat the same mistakes.
Now you can start the process of recovery by first telling those you have impacted, how truly, deeply sorry you are from the bottom of your soul. Remember that this doesn’t make anything right or undo your actions. It is just the beginning step.
Next, you must dedicate yourself to alleviating the suffering you have caused. This process takes time and devotion. You must place the well being of those you have hurt ahead of your own.
As part of this process, it’s essential to understand what inside you caused the situation. Again, it is imperative for you to take full responsibility for your actions. There is no blaming anyone or anything. The cause must be identified so that it can be completely dismantled so as to never be a factor ever again.
This is not something you can do alone. You must seek assistance from a professional who is trained and experienced in this process. Only through a full, absolute commitment will you find and continue on the path to recovery.
NOW AVAILABLE: "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at
or write him c/o this paper. 2012 Bryan Golden