You could be the nicest, kindest, most considerate person and yet there will be people who don’t like you. Being disliked can be disconcerting, especially when you don’t understand why.
You want to be the best you can. You want to be liked and appreciated. You want to make people happy. All of these are normal emotions. Encountering people who don’t like you is upsetting.
If there is a legitimate reason for someone disliking you, you have an excellent opportunity for self-improvement. When someone has a problem with you, they may provide you with blunt criticism. Where this is the case, don’t get defensive. Be thankful for the honest feedback. Strive to correct the offending behavior.
There are many causes for someone disliking you that have nothing to do with you. They may be jealous, insecure, angry, malicious, negative, have personal problems or a poor self-image. You’ll drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what their problem is. Don’t let them get to you by filling you with self-doubt.
No matter what you do, you’ll never please everyone. If you try, you will get extremely frustrated. The human tendency is to focus on and attempt to mollify those people who don’t like you. This is a distraction, since you concentrate on pleasing a select few who will never be happy. While you are trying to please the few who don’t like you, you are ignoring those many others who do like you. Additionally, the time you waste responding to inane comments is time taken away from the pursuit of your goals.
Ironically, the harder you try to please these people, the worse they get. There’s nothing you can do to win them over. Whatever explanation you offer, they will have a retort to justify their position. Logic, facts, and reality have no bearing on how they feel.
Regardless of how you are being treated, don’t react in kind. Becoming, nasty, rude, or inconsiderate, brings you down to their level while compromising your position.
So how do you deal with people who don’t like you? Allow their criticisms to roll off your back. Don’t let them get the better of you. Often, they are looking to set you off, make you feel bad, or demoralize you. You may be offended, angry, upset, bitter, resentful, or depressed by their comments. Let go of these negative emotions. They are harmful to you while encouraging those who don’t like you.
Life is filled with challenges. Dealing with people who don’t like you is one of them. Nothing is accomplished by getting annoyed. As your accomplishments grow, so do the number of people who don’t like you. Highly successful people have become very adept at dealing with them.
You will become better at dealing with people who don’t like you by visualizing your response to these troublesome individuals before actually encountering them. Visualization is a powerful mental technique where you rehearse potential scenarios over and over. Then when you are actually faced with a similar situation, you won’t be caught by surprise.
Watch accomplished people who are in the news. Virtually every one of them is constantly dealing with detractors. Learn from what they do right while avoiding any mistakes they make. Whenever a public figure reacts nastily, it invariably backfires, causing him or her to be considered the offending party.
Welcome people who don’t like you as an opportunity for self-development. This approach will improve your attitude when dealing with them and assist you in responding appropriately. Stay calm and collected while remaining on track. Don’t be dragged down by people who don’t like you.
NOW AVAILABLE: "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book. Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at
or write him c/o this paper. 2011 Bryan Golden