Are you in control of your life or do others have undue influence on you?  For many of us, life is a struggle between what we want, what we think others want from us, and what we are told we should do.

At one end of the spectrum are those who completely ignore external input.  At the other side are people who structure everything they do to accommodate the wishes of someone else.  Most of us are somewhere in the middle, trying to balance what we want with the demands of others.

Many of the people we have relationships with attempt to influence our behavior.  Their efforts may be either intentional or unintentional.  Let’s look at various situations, see how they impact us, and discover what we can do to maintain control.

Let’s start with our parents who obviously have a significant impact on our development.  All parents have dreams and aspirations for their kids.  As a result, they can inadvertently become overbearing, pressuring us to take a particular path. 

We can then wind up in situations far from what we really desire.  It could be our occupation, choice of significant other, where we live, or any other major decisions we make that are unduly influenced by others.

Your parents might continue influencing you long after you’re out on your own.  It’s interesting to note how often the relationship between parents and children maintains the same characteristics regardless of how old everyone gets.

Next, your children, regardless of their age, can also have a significant influence on your life.  While you are raising them, they make many demands on you, becoming very adept at motivating you to accommodate them.  Not wanting to disappoint your children, you may find yourself making more adjustments than you are comfortable with.

Grown children can continue to attempt to direct your life.  They can offer unsolicited advice for much of what you are doing.  They can persist in making demands on you, even pressuring you with guilt.

Your spouse or significant other has a major influence on how you run your life.  Of course, any successful relationship involves a blending of interests.  However, problems develop when one person tries to exert excessive control over the other.

Friends can also become very opinionated with commentary or criticism for numerous aspects of your life.  This creates a balancing act because you value their friendship but are put off by their interference.  Even coworkers will interject their opinions without being asked.

Regardless of who may be trying to interfere, either intentionally or unintentionally, there are some simple steps you can take to maintain control of your life.  The core principle is that you don’t have an obligation to justify yourself.  You may want to explain your reasoning to those closest to you, but that’s your option.

When you share aspects of your life, others take it as an invitation to provide their opinion.  If you don’t want someone’s feedback, don’t provide any information.  When someone does provide unsolicited advice, don’t argue.  You can simply say, “Thanks, I appreciate your input.” And then change the subject.

It’s OK to run your life the way you want to.  Understand yourself along with your goals and desires.  If you adjust to the opinions of others, you will constantly be frustrated and never achieve what you want.  Just because you are offered guidance doesn’t mean you have to abide by it.

NOW AVAILABLE:  "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or write him c/o this paper.  2009 Bryan Golden

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