“You can’t conquer reality by running away from it.”  – Og Mandino

Although it may be tempting to run away from problems or undesirable situations, it’s a flawed strategy.  “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence,” is the familiar maxim that drives us.

When a person attempts to run away from reality, they find reality follows them.  This is not due to bad luck or fate.  Reality is determined not so much by geographic location but rather by outlook, attitude, and expectations.  Wherever you go, your mindset accompanies you.

This is why some people constantly move from place to place in a seemingly endless quest to find happiness.  Although they have relocated to new surroundings, they are the same person they were at the previous location.  Therefore, they will be facing the same challenges while struggling with similar problems.

Jake is impatient with a short temper.  He gets frustrated easily, often lashing out at the people he works with.  Not surprisingly, Jake has problems getting along with coworkers, subordinates, and supervisors.  Jake constantly blames other people for the friction, refusing to acknowledge his role.

Jake will stay at a job for a few years before he gets fed up with the way he was treated.  He then changes jobs and the process repeats itself.  Although Jake has had many different employers, he is still looking for the ideal job where he will get the respect he feels he deserves.

Until Jake recognizes his personality issues, he will never work to adjust them.  When a person doesn’t acknowledge that they are contributing to the problems they experience, there is no chance of taking corrective action. 

Jake doesn't see himself as being part of the problem.  He thinks the issue is finding the right job.  However, until he addresses the real cause, Jake will continue to experience the same interactions with other people.  The names will change but the results will be the same.

Jake's scenario is an all too common example of the futility of running away from reality.  People run to escape all types of problems.  They move from one home to another in search of good neighbors.  They change from one romantic relationship to another seeking "Mr. Right" or "Ms. Right."  They travel from town to town in search of opportunity. 

The examples are limitless but the results are identical: the same problems repeat themselves.  If you are experiencing this syndrome, you can make changes to break the cycle.  To do so, understand that the two main contributing factors are your actions and attitude.

Begin with an objective assessment of how you interact with others.  How do you treat them?  How do you react to them?  Unless you are honest with yourself, you won't identify what needs to be changed.  There's nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.  What's important is that you identify and correct the problem.

Next, you need to look at your attitude.  Your brain is a magnet with your mindset determining what you attract.  Your self-talk should consist of positive statements identifying what you want to attract rather than negative statements about things you want to avoid.  Additionally, don't tell yourself that bad things always happen to you and there is nothing you can do about it.

Sometimes there may be instances where changing your circumstances solves a problem.  You will know that this was the correct strategy because the problem was solved.  However, if you continually experience the same problems, regardless of where you go, it's time to look in the mirror.  You always have the power to make any necessary changes within yourself.

NOW AVAILABLE:  "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or write him c/o this paper.  2009 Bryan Golden

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