Do you have priorities?  If not, why not?  If so, do you know what they are?  Priorities are important for several reasons.  They give your life direction.  They help you make decisions.  They enable you to focus on what is important and not be distracted by that which is irrelevant.

Priorities are very personal.  They have to be your own, not imposed on you by someone else.  You can have a number of priorities, each of differing importance.  Some areas of priority may be family, career, planning for retirement, security, independence, friends, or recreation.  It doesn’t matter what your priorities are so long as they work for you without causing stress and strife.

The major decisions you make should be compatible with your priorities.  Let’s say your number one priority is your friends.  If you subsequently get married and have children without making them your highest priority, you will have a lot of conflict.  This doesn’t mean your friends can’t be important.  They can’t come before your family without having negative consequences.

When you allow yourself to be pressured into something that isn’t in line with your priorities, you have a good chance of being unhappy.  Katie is single, in her early 30’s, with a career she loves.  She doesn’t have much interest in getting married or having a family.  Her parents, however, have a different outlook.  They strongly believe Katie should get married, settle down, and start a family.

Katie can’t change her priorities just because her parents want her to.  If she does, it will be difficult for her to be happy.  Although it’s difficult to resist pressure from parents, spouses, relatives, and close friends, capitulating usually leads to regret.  Anyone who makes significant choices based on the desires of others, that are in conflict with their own priorities, is bound to be frustrated.

Being aware of your priorities helps you make decisions you are happy with.  Jim lives and works in the same rural town he grew up in.  His parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, and uncles, all reside within an hour from him.  Jim could make a lot more money and have many more career choices if he moved to a big city.

For Jim, being close to family is his main priority.  His job is not that important to him.  Jim got a call from a college friend offering him a job that paid more than twice what he was currently making.  The only requirement was that he relocate to a city two thousand miles away.  Jim turned down the offer because it was incompatible with his priorities.

Your priorities can, and often do, change over time.  Carol and Bob’s three kids are now grown with families of their own.  Each has moved to a different area of the country.  For the past 30 years, raising their children were Carol and Bob’s main priority.  Now their focus has turned to preparing for retirement and spending more time with each other.

If you don’t know what your priorities are, take time to discover them.  Try to avoid making major decisions, especially irreversible ones, until you really understand what is important to you.

Some people know their priorities from a relatively young age.  Others need time to figure things out.  Whichever group you are in is OK.  If you are in the second group, make the effort to explore different options to help you discover your priorities.  Don’t just claim you don’t know what you want and leave it at that.  Being in touch with your priorities will serve you for a lifetime.

NOW AVAILABLE:  "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or write him c/o this paper.  2008 Bryan Golden

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