Do you know anyone you feel sorry for?  It may be someone who encountered some misfortune.  Perhaps they have made bad decisions or poor choices.  It may be a person who is in a bad relationship.  It’s too common for people to have difficulty with a spouse or significant other, parents, children, relatives, friends or coworkers.

You may be doing well and feel sympathy for those you know who have not been as fortunate.  You can feel sympathy for either those you know or complete strangers.  When you care about others, feeling sympathy is not abnormal. 

Whereas it’s good to try and offer a helping hand where possible, it’s unhealthy to make someone else’s problems your own.  Everyone has problems or situations that have to be dealt with.  You most likely have your own problems to handle without taking on someone else’s.

When you feel sympathy, you understandably want to help.  You may offer assistance in the form of advice or action.  The person offering the help usually feels they have the solution.  Therefore, it’s easy to feel bad if your efforts are ignored, rebuffed, or criticized.  When this happens, it is possible to even become biter as a result.

Everyone makes decisions in life.  Some are good and some may be bad.  Only the person who made a decision can fix it.  As much as you may want to, you can't do it for them or make them do it. Each person is responsible for the choices they made.  If we create a problem, it's up to us to correct it.

If you offer unsolicited advice, you may be resented.  If you are asked for advice, and give it, it's not unusual for the person you are trying to help to either tell you why your suggestions won't work or ignore what you say.

When you are asked for, and offer advice, you shouldn't get frustrated if the other person doesn't do what you suggest.  Give your suggestions without any expectation that it has to be used, accepted, or agreed with.

Instead of advice, you may be asked for money.  This type of request usually comes from close family or friends.  Accompanying it is invariably the promise of repayment.  Whether or not you want to help out financially is up to you.  For some recipients money can be a big help.  For others, it won't make any difference; they will be in the exact same situation once your generous contribution is depleted.

One thing to keep in mind: unrepaid loans have broken up many relationships between family and friends.  Should you decide to offer financial assistance, consider it a gift regardless of any promises made.  Also, don't attach any strings to your generosity, you will only be disappointed.  If you are uncomfortable giving such a gift, don't help out financially.

Although it's troubling to see someone suffer, you are not responsible for their life.  The closer someone is to you, the more you will feel for them and the more you will want to help.  Nevertheless, you have to allow another person to live their life.

Just because you believe someone has a problem doesn't mean they see it that way.  Everyone has their own perception, which is their reality.  You may not understand how another person is living the way they are.  Yet, they don't see anything wrong.

Although it's normal to feel sympathetic concerning the circumstances of others, don't allow their problems to become yours.  It is OK to offer suggestions if asked.  What, if anything, is done with the information is out of your hands.  Most importantly, don't neglect your own life while feeling sympathy for someone else.

NOW AVAILABLE:  "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or write him c/o this paper.  2007 Bryan Golden

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