Believe it or not, there are some people who act as if they love to be miserable.  It's as if they are only happy when problems exist in their lives.  Identifying people like this is very easy, they complain constantly about the same issues, over and over.  Moreover, rather than looking for or being open to solutions, they make excuses for why their circumstances can't be changed.

Ed, divorced after a 15-year marriage, is now in another relationship.  Ed has a 10-year-old daughter.  Betsy, the woman he has been seeing for a couple of years, has a 12-year-old son.  Ed is always moaning about the way he is treated by Betsy.  He complains to anyone who'll listen.  Many of his problems with Betsy are very similar to the ones Ed had when he was married. 

Jim is one of Ed's good friends.  Ed is always bending Jim's ear with examples of how poorly Betsy behaves.  Jim always listens to Ed's complaints and tries to offer Ed some helpful suggestions.

Jim responds to Bill, "Betsy is who she is.  She is not going to change just because you want her to.  You either have to accept Betsy as she is or end the relationship.  Your incessant complaining isn't going to change anything.  You just got out of a marriage that had a lot of the same issues you are now having with Betsy.  If you are unhappy and don't make some changes, nothing will be different."

Rather than being open to solutions, Bill has an endless list of excuses as why he won't take any action to resolve his problems.  Among Bill's excuses are, "Betsy is just going through a tough period.  I really care about Betsy.  Betsy's OK, she just needs some more time."

Barbara is in her early 40s and is still searching for what she wants to do with her life.  For years she bounced from job to job.  After she was laid off from her last position, Barbara started her own business taking care of other people's pets while they were away.

Barbara doesn't really like pet sitting but doesn't know what she would rather do.  Although she has lots of ideas about what she likes, Barbara doesn't pursue any of them.  Barbara talks to her friends about how frustrated she is with the lack of direction in her life.

Rather than exploring other avenues, Barbara prefers to complain.  Her friends find that talking with her is like going in circles.  The ideas and suggestions they offer to Barbara seem to be appreciated.  However, the next time Barbara gets together with her friends, she once again complains about the same issues.  Barbara has an endless supply of reasons why various options won't work. 

Barbara and Ed act as if they would rather have problems than solutions.  They both are able to justify why their circumstances persist.  They make excuses for why they don't or won't alter their behavior.

People who are not happy unless they are miserable do themselves a great disservice.  It doesn't take much effort to make a positive change in one's life.  Ironically, more energy is required to suffer than to change.

There is no reason for you to be miserable.  Even if you are in a rut, you can get out.  Improving your situation starts with a desire to do so.  Then, make changes instead of excuses.  It's well worth the effort.  Being happy because you are happy is the best way to go.

NOW AVAILABLE:  "Dare to Live Without Limits," the book.  Visit www.BryanGolden.com or your bookstore. Bryan is a management consultant, motivational speaker, author, and adjunct professor. E-mail Bryan at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it or write him c/o this paper.  2007 Bryan Golden

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