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1. Prepare your home. Does your home work for everyone, young or old? Can your house accommodate someone who might find climbing stairs a challenge or who might need a walk-in shower or a single-handle faucet?
2. Prepare your family. Communication is the key to peaceful multigenerational living. Have regular family conferences to discuss issues before they become problems. Before moving in together, ask family members of all ages to talk about how they expect life to change, including what they want, what they are excited about and what they are nervous about. Be specific: If grandparents are helping with childcare, how much time will they spend babysitting? How do family members want to handle cooking and mealtimes? It’s a great way to see where friction may occur and to head it off at the pass.
3. A place for everyone and everyone in his/her place. Decide how the living space in your home will be used. It is important that grandparents and grandchildren have their own places—bedrooms, sitting rooms or even corners of rooms—for favorite chairs, places to watch TV, or study areas for homework.
4. Let them live their own lives. This is important whether your parents are highly active and independent or if they are being cared for. Opportunities to see friends, continue activities they enjoy and having downtime are important at any age.
5. Get in a groove. Consistency will help minimize the inevitable disruptions. Keep to routines such as mealtimes and bedtime rituals. Parents -and grandparents - should also plan one-on-one time with their children and time for themselves to keep up with their interests.
6. Make a play date. Facilitate grandparent-–grandchild interactions. Many times, especially when living together, grandparents and children develop special, shared interests that create bonds and positive memories.
7. Don’t get caught in the middle. Often, parents are caught in the middle trying to please the older and younger generations. You cannot be expected to take care of everyone if you are running on empty. Get plenty of rest, make your time a priority and get support if you need it from a caregiving support group.
8. Be realistic. Only so much furniture can fit in a house; people can only be expected to change so much over a lifetime; teens are going to want to hang out with their grandparents only so much; elders will be willing to handle only a certain volume level on the stereo; there are only 24 hours in a day; and you can be in only one place at a time, no matter how much everyone needs you.
9. Make memories. Capitalize on the opportunities you have with multiple generations in the household. Share stories, look at photos, research family history and record these things on audiotape or in a video. Have fun and treasure the time. Although multigenerational households may be an increasing trend, you can enjoy opportunities many families will never have.
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