|
Tip—Teaching your child to tune in to other children’s facial expressions can help them learn what effect they have on others.
Psychologist Linda Budd, Ph.D., describes a particular temperament type she calls “Active-Alert”—these are physically active, very smart and precocious children who notice everything but have few social graces. As a consequence, making friends and keeping them is a challenge.
A hallmark of this temperament style is being controlling. These children find life very stimulating and overwhelming; one way they deal with this is to try and control as much of their environment as possible—and this includes friends. This is the young child who bowls over another preschooler with a hug before she even knows his name. It’s the older child who enters a game of four-square and starts ordering the other kids around.
Another trait they have is a certain kind of social blindness. Waiting turns, respecting another’s personal space, and taking a backseat don’t come naturally to Active-Alerts. They tend to tell their friends what to play and how to play it. This can make playground or neighborhood play difficult and friends hard to keep around.
Tools—Dr. Budd offers several strategies for helping active, intense children learn to make and keep friends in her book, Living with the Active Alert Child. Here are two ideas that often help children interact with others.
Personal Bubble. Teach your child that each person is surrounded by an invisible, protective bubble. Some people have big bubbles and some people have small ones. Ask your child to picture someone he knows inside his bubble. Ask him, “What happens when you touch a bubble?” Right, it breaks. Then explain that a person inside a bubble feels very uncomfortable and even angry when you break his bubble. He might push you away so that he can form another bubble. This analogy helps children recognize when they are intruding upon another person’s space.
Recognize distress signals in others. Many children, no matter what their temperament, have to be taught to notice non-verbal cues and facial expressions in others. Teach your child that a scrunched-up, displeased facial expression signals discomfort or anger. A sudden change in the eyes can signal fear or uncertainty. A stiffened back shows tension. These are cues for your child to stop whatever it is she or he is doing and think about how the other person feels. Your child can practice this by looking at illustrations in picture books with you or even watching videos.
You’ll find more practical tips you can use right now in Living with the Active Alert Child: Groundbreaking Strategies for Parents by Linda Budd, Ph.D.
“Copyright Parenting Press, www.ParentingPress.com, reprinted by permission” and mail or e-mail us a copy.
 |
Family 
Subscribe to this comment's feed